smiling at nothingness...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!

 JUST BECAUSE IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FRIGHT NIGHT...

Imagine that you are commiting suicide... Or you know that you're gonna die in 5 minutes and you were given a chance to write a letter... What would you do?

This is what http:www.deadletter.com is all about... Fuck it really. Reading these letters made me blubber like a baby in the office!

 Here's samples:

Shit.

I'm never going to ask God for another favor, since He did so smashingly with this one.

No. I take that back.

All right. All of you. I forgive you, all right? What you've done is in the past. What I've done, I hope you will forgive me for. Believe me, if I could I would undo it. You know who you are.

I think if I could do it all over again, I'd be more honest.

I'd do more of what I wanted to do, not what other people thought I should do.

Being fat or skinny, plain or beautiful wouldn't stop me from doing anything. Looking like an ass would only mean that someone else got a good laugh.

I'd go without a bra more often.

Walk in the rain.

I'd tell the headmaster to go fuck himself.

I'd have told Ken I loved him.

That's right. I'll be seeing you again, now, won't I? I want to. And I'm afraid to. I haven't done very well with the things you left me. Not well at all.

Bit of an understatement there. Couldn't do any worse, I suppose, not without making the audience squick.

I'd let the snakes in my dreams bite me more often. I'd go out grocery shopping at midnight, just because I had a craving to sniff up that sweet, apple smell. I'd wear rings on all my fingers. I'd get a tattoo. Maybe.

If I had five more minutes.

Sam, I love you. I'd say it a lot. I'd hug you, and kiss your soft, baby cheeks. I'd tell you to grow up to be a good man. Not a great one. The great ones are so rarely happy men. Trust in your conscience, and don't make my mistakes. Make your own. I hate copycats.

Tell your Gran and Grandpa that you love them.
They are good people, Sam. I didn't know that, when I was smaller. I spent a lot of time being angry and unhappy and that limits your vision. Your Grandma is a lot stronger than she thinks she is. She's had to be. And your Grandpa cares a lot more than he lets on. Don't let him get away with not saying it.

Allison..thank you.
For all the happy hours, and the craziness. Chinese martial arts movies, in the middle of the night. Staying up for two days straight, just because. Staying with me when I thought I was going to die.

Laurie..thank you.
For more of the same. For seeing me. For sharing something so private, and so intense as your stories. For three..or is it four years? I don't remember. I'll tell you what, sweetie. It was the best goddamned E-ticket ride ever. I don't regret anything. Not a thing. And thank you, Mike. For sharing your wife's friendship with me, a strange voice on the phone, and a presence at the computer.

Michael.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Marrying you was the best thing I ever did. Good and bad, I'd do it all again. You are still my hero. And you always will be.

Melinda, Trish. I love you both. There are no better sisters in the whole world than you two. Be good and be gentle with yourselves.

You know, if you're at my funeral, please do something for me. One thing.

Go outside. I don't know if it's wet or dry, cold or hot. It doesn't matter. Go outside. Take off your shoes and walk in the grass. Look up. Just for a little while, give the first thing you see out there your absolute attention.

It's beautiful, the world. Shining, always shining. Even under all the shit. Don't miss anything.

I miss you all, already.

cristinaburwell

It's just funny how guys would think that I'm such a good catch. They would go through hell and back just to get a chance to speak with me and then they'd just run like the crazy bastards that they are whenever they would know that I have a baby.

Here's how it would go:

Guy#1: Hi.

Me: Yeah.

Guy#1: I've been wanting to ask you for a long time.... Uh... Can we go out on Saturday night?

Me: Uh... I can't. I'm busy.

Guy#1: You have a band gig?

Me: Nope... I've been off my drumset for about two years now. I'm going to take care of my kid.

Guy#1: You must be kidding right?

Me: Nope.

Guy#1: *slinking away* Uh... You know what, I was only kidding... Just testing if my pick up line is going to work.... See you around....

 MOre....

(I'll talk with the client first.

OK Go - "Here It Goes Again"
Buy OK Go - Oh No at iTunes.

cristinaburwell

I'm not ungrateful.

Actually it's otherwise. I'm really really grateful with everything that God has given me in the past year. It has been a struggle. But then again, life is really a huge tumultuous war by itself. How we fare is really up to us.

But then it would be nice to have someone to wait for you in cold rainy nights... Someone to banter with when you're watching dreary noontime shows...

Enough about this crap.

I have work to do... An account to manage... A life to live.

However blah it is... It's still something to live by...

Stop being pathetic Cristina.

NOTE TO SELF: DON't DATE FELLOW UP FOLKS... IT'S MIND DRAINING... GO OUT WITH SOMEONE FROM LET'S SAY... UH... UA&P (YOUR BRAIN CELLS WOULD DIE BUT AT LEAST you'd be sane)

p.s.

I'll just disable my tagboard. E-pest control

cristinaburwell

I lack sleep. Too much life.

Scary.

As incoherent as I may sound I just wanna put everything into print.

1. I'm not desperate for someone.

2. I'm too busy even to entertain the thought of  man-hunting.

3. I'm too busy. Period.

And to even consider comparing me to Paris Hilton is taboo.

I need sleep.

I rest my case.

Yeah I know I look bangag... I lack sleep. And no, that's not Mr. C's son... He just look so freakishly like him. That's one of the newly hired TLs. Name's Ed... Great guy. Not my type. But great guy.

Check out the glasses... Geeky glasses! I look funny in them.

I lurrrv my world!

 Plus... we made up! *winks* (And he ain't Edward!)

cristinaburwell

I know I've got it great, really, good job, good friends, loving family, total freedom, and long bubblebaths. What else could there be?

 The world is no longer a romantic place...some of it's people still are however, and therein lies the promise. Don't let the world win.

 I think I need to believe that it works...love, couplehood, partnerships. The idea that when people come together they stay together, I have to take that with me to bed, even if I have to go to bed alone.

 Love - e.e. cummings

LOve is a place
& through this place of
love move
(with brightness of peace)
all places

yes is a world
& in this world of
yes live
(skilfully curled)
all worlds

 ----------------------------------------------

I should stop while I can... This is stupid. But I have been known to have done more idiotic things before... Whatever makes me happy...  He makes my brain work and that's good.

Oh hell..