Entries for June, 2006

June 1st, 2006

SUDDENLY SINGLE

taal lake... it's just one shot... not photoshopped

This is a nice shot of a very foggy Mt.Taal. Just weird. In the era of enhancements I'm veering away from Photoshop. All of the pics that I have in here are straight from my trashy(but extremely trustworthy) digital camera.

I'm single again. For 7 damned years I haven't experienced being single for a long long while. Might as well give it a try. The father of my child just dropped me like a sack of hot potatoes, says that he's tired of everything about me... Of the responsiblities. Told me that he's willing to pay for child support and that's about it.

AFTER STRINGING ME AROUND FOR A WHOLE YEAR THIS IS THE THANKS I GET.

Ce's la vie.

LIfe's really a bitch and then... you die.

It hurts.

My blood pump is aching and my tear ducts are overworked.

P.S. I bought a DVD player just for the heck of it.

Tomorrow I'll be all over Quiapo with Jobby, yes... He's still around despite of everything... You gotta love that guy's determination to win me over!

This is going to be my semi blog... Whenever I could't log into my online journal due to some "restrictions" . Nowadays I feel as if I'm a godlfish trapped in a very small bowl. I hate being pest by my mom's constant paranoia regarding me being pregnant again and then some. I just got back from a weekend near the ocean... It was a welcome breather... A MOST refreshing one to be exact. It got me thinking... It got my neurons grinding overtime.

I love the old bastard. *suuuuweeeet!*

I don't know why but sharing a bed with the same person every week for five years straight does amount into something that can be a little bit akin to lurrrrv right?

The latest five eventful... Semi catastrophic years of my existence spent with some guy who has kids that are the same age as me.

HURRAY FOR THAT THOUGHT.

(I really don't know why but I'm writing in this annoying fragmented way that only soooooo not me. And the sucession of the same letters in one straight go is not helping either... So Californicated... So Orange County! <Bleech>.

--------------------------------------------------------------

SCENARIO: Exactly a week before my birthday, the guy who spawned my offspring suddenly said that he's quitting on US... that he's tired of this relationship and blah blah blah...

YUP, this could only happen to me folks. My heart has been battered quite a bit that I'm thinking that it's developing the consistency of a rubber band due to too many break ups. It's beginning to grow calloused. Someday my heart would evolved into something that is not gonna be able to feel. Some inanimated object of sorts. Semi alive and beating and not at all there.

~ He says that he's tired but what about me? I'm the one who gave up my diploma in order to be a full time slave of an Canadian corporate empire just to sustain our fledgeling family. I'm the the ex pseudo single mum who has been striving for a year to keep things together... I'm the one who has been juggling so many things all at once that right now when things just went bonking over my head I just dunno where to begin to pick the pieces up and mend everything back together.

MY WORLD JUST CRASHED. Usually I wouldn't really mind this, I'm quite used to being trashed about and kicked to the gutters. But right now someone else's heart is at stake... My daughter's. I love Cj. I know that child support wouldn't define your capacity for parenthood. I know that despite of the moolah that her dad could provide things wouldn't just be the same without a complete family to go home to. I should know, I went through all of the trauma of being a product of a broken home. I know that despite of the promises that her father would give her mostly 90% of them would just be swooped down by the wind...

I don't want her to hate me for not letting her get to know her dad... But by doing so I know that I would protect her from several heartaches that would follow.

damn... i hate this mommy business... it's quite growing on me.

Currently listening to: i don't wanna wait
Currently feeling: morose
Posted by cristinaburwell at 04:22 AM | 6 ang umangal

June 8th, 2006

baleful birthday

silence

It was my 22nd birthday today.. Nothing special happened.

My heart still hurts like hell. I'm in a painful vortex hurling me towards nothingness.

I have to cope. For the dear little soul that relies on me.

I have to be strong.

Lord, grant me enough courage to make it through...

Please...

 

p.s. I submitted my application for promotion on the date of my birthday. Wish me luck.

Currently listening to: evil voices in my head
Currently feeling: blank
Posted by cristinaburwell at 09:47 AM | 4 ang umangal

June 10th, 2006

Single and not liking it

Without You
The Ground Thaws
The Rain Falls
The Grass Grows

Without You
The Seeds Root
The Flowers Bloom
The Children Play

The Stars Gleam
The poets dream
The Eagles Fly
Without You

The Earth Turns
The Sun Burns
But I Die
Without You

Without You
The Breeze Warms
The Girls Smiles
The Cloud Moves

Without You
The Tides Change
The Boys Run
The Oceans Crash

The Crowd Roars
The Days Soar
The Babies Cry
Without You

The Moon Glows
The River Flows
But I Die
Without You


 

Currently listening to: rent the musical
Currently feeling: songesty
Posted by cristinaburwell at 07:14 AM | 5 ang umangal

June 15th, 2006

One proud momma

my baby's now a lilttle ladythe magnificent cake

 Yup, my Cj has turned a year old!!!

And I am one proud momma...

Happy birthday dear one... Mommy loves you so much!

Currently listening to: happy birthday to you
Currently watching: my baby slowly growing up
Currently feeling: thankful
Posted by cristinaburwell at 06:20 AM | 6 ang umangal

June 17th, 2006

here but somewhere else

I miss myself. The last time that I was with Greg everything was uppity and great. It was the last summer blast. I took the risk of splurging all of my paid vacation leaves for him... And it was worth it. I have here, a grainy picture of myself... Happy, carefree and smiling to the guy that I loved wholeheartedly for five years... A guy who could never be mine...

summery me

Currently listening to: the beat of my heart
Currently feeling: confused
Posted by cristinaburwell at 10:03 AM | 1 ang umangal

June 18th, 2006

WANNA SWEAT WITH ME?

I need a gym buddy... Someone who could adjust with my weird call center schedule and at least accompany me to the gym every other day.

I need to look fab. (I don't know what's with us girls... After a major break-up we tend to cry for weeks and after the hibernation, we'd bloom like butterflies...) Yes, I wanna get back into shape and laugh at his face some time in the near future... (Yes, maybe I'm kinda bitter... but can you blame me? He's the dad of my kid and he ditched us for some stereotypical call center bimbo! How heartless can he get?)

 So anyone who's from the Commonwealth area..please leave a tag. I NEED A GYM BUDDY.

Posted by cristinaburwell at 06:31 AM | 8 ang umangal

EPEKTO NG CALL CENTER

Written on the Body

Excerpts from Jeanette Winterson's Written on the Body:



What is the measure of love loss?



You said 'I love you.'
Why is it that the most unoriginal thing we can say to one another is still the thing we long to hear?
'I love you' is always a quotation.
You did not say it first and neither did I,
yet when you say it and when I say it we speak like savages who have found three words and worship them.
I did worship them but now I am alone on a rock hewn out of my body.



'You'll get over it...' It's the cliches that cause the trouble.
To lose someone you love is to alter your life for ever.
You don't get over it because 'it' is the person you loved.
The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes.
How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death.
This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no-one else can fit it.
Why would I want them to?



I want to accept what I've done and let go.
I can't let go because Louise might still be on the other end of the rope.

 

- something that i've stolen from someone else's blog( and that person took this excerpt from somewhere too, that's ORIGINALITY for you folks!)... because i'm too tired to splurge my emotions on cyber ink...and because my heart ache's soooo

 

eto ang mga side effects ng pagtatrabaho sa mga
call centers...
1. dahil halos di na kayo nagkikita ng nanay at
tatay mo, an tawag na nila sayo ay "boarder" at
sinisingil ka na nila sa upa mo! (uy magbayad
ka!)

2.pag sa sagot ka ng telepono, lagi na lang may
opening spiel...exampol : ring ! ring ! ....tenk
u for calling (the company) this is (your name)
how may i help you?

3. eksperto ka na sa power nap, yung mga 15min
break nyo, itinutulog mo na lang...para fresh
pagka cols uli, mya na yung 1 hour nap...

4. di mo na alam bumiyahe pag may araw, nalilito
ka bakit andaming tao, at bakit di na dumadaan
ang dyip dun sa mga kalsada na 1 way....

5.mas sanay ka ng matulog ng nakabussiness
attire...na mimiss mo yung matigas na sahig ng
opisina nyo...tsaka yung malamig na aircon.

6. sanay kang maglaka-lakad ng nakamedyas.

7. an tawag mo sa mga friends mo...dude, bro,
coach, tl, sup.

8. di na dugo ang dumadaloy sayo, kape na. nung
nagpaospital ka ang nilagay sayo dextrose na my
instant coffee.

9. sanay kang makipagusap kahit
tulog...pagtinanong ka ng kahit ano, tama ang
sagot mo...ummmm naghihilik ka pa hayup ka!

10. tadaaaaa! nag sasalita ka sa pagtulog mo,
pati kols mo napapanaginipan mo, at minsan,
sinampal ka ng kapatid mo dahil nagsisigaw kang
auto-in please...we're queueing!!!!

11. pumuputi ka na dahil di ka na naaarawan.

12. sanay ka nang matulog kahit maingay sa loob
at labas ng bahay nyo.

13. kinalimutan ka na ng mga kaibigan mo dahil
existing ka lang pag tulog na sila.

14. sanay ka na sa mga prank callers at mga death
treats na nakasulat lang.. sa dami ba naman ng ma-
encounter mong ganito gabi- gabi sa trabaho eh.

15. di ka na sanay sa traffic. papasok at pauwi
sa trabaho walang traffic.

16. di na tama ang oras ng pagkain mo. breeakfast
mo ay hapunan na. lunch mo sa madaling araw.
dinner moi pag uwi mo sa umaga. pag Rest Day mo
naman at natulog ka sa gabi, magigising ka pa din
pag madaling araw na. iba na ang body clock
mo...napagkakamalan ka ng adik ng mga kapit
bahay mo

17. lahat ng kasabay mo sa jeep pag papasok ka,
pagod na. ikaw lang ang bagong ligo at bagong
gel.GANUN DIN paguuwi ka na..lhat sila fresh ikaw antok na.

18. maski sa bahay, mabilis kang kumain.

19. nde ka na kilala ng aso nyo

20. tawag sa auto mo ay taxi, kasi palaging gabi
bumabyahe..

21. wala ka nang pakialam sa buhay

22. nahihiya kang magpunta sa mga reunion lalo
na't alam mong successful lahat ng ka-batch mo.

23. sasabihin mo field ng trabaho mo IT, di call
center.

24. nasusuka ka na pag nakita mo ang pc sa bahay
nyo..

25. sasabihin mong tech support engineer ka, pero
rep ka lang..

26. pag payday... olats lahat sweldo ng mga
kaklase mong board passer. (8k per month lang
sila) isang kinsenas mo lang yun..

27. pag day off mo n lang ikaw nkakapaanood ng
Eat bulaga at MTB

28. Nde mo na kilala ang mga bagong artista....
si mahal at mura lang

29. nde mo n alam itsura ng mall...

30. di ka na maebs sa bhay, sanay ka na sa cr ng
5th floor or ibang floor.

31. gusto mo na ding maglagay ng alcogel sa banyo
nyo..

32. ayaw mo nang pumasok sa internet cafe!

33. puro kalyo na wrist at daliri mo.

34. sanay ka ng kumain at chumismis
sabay sabay

35. maglo-lock ka ng pc kahit sa bahay na. pag
pndot mo ng CTRL + ALT + DEL iba ang lalabas at
matatawa ka na lang sa sarili mo dahil para kang
gago.

36. sanay ka ng kumain sa harap ng pc mo kahit
nsa bahay...

37. papasok ka sa ofc na nka-jeans, tshirt and
cap (astig!)

38. mas malaki sweldo mo sa mga ka-batch mo,
nagkakanda-kuba na sila sa trabaho nila

39. puro ka-age mo mga ka-opisina mo, walang old
maids and DOMs!!

40. mabilis k ng mag pabili ng corn bits at
chicharon sa ermats mo...

41. pindot mo ilong nung tindera kala mo vendo
machine.... isa nga coke syet ilong pala yun!
hehehehe... masama pa kung sa bumper na-pindot
mo.... syet!

42. na inlove ka nsa kape...

43. marami ka ng naipon na microwavable container

44. at ketchup galing mcdo at jolibee at 7eleven

45. pag nagkukwento ka sa mga barkada jargon
lahat. di nila maintindihan ang ibig sabihin ng
pinagsasabi mo..

47. pag gumagamit k ng cr,, d ka na nagpa-
flush.. kc akala mo kusa n lulubog ebs mo.

48. sawa ka na internet kasi sa trabaho panay ang
browsing..

49. sanay ka na ang katabi mo sinusurprise visit
ng BF/GF niya akala kc nambababae.........e yun ay
kung di ka pa iniiwan ng bf/gf mo dahil akala nya wala ka ng
panahon sa kanya... bwahaha

50. akala mo mo may sarili kang locker sa bahay
nyo.....

51. sanay k ng umidlip pag alas dos at
alas kwuatro ng umaga

52. dito ka na makakakita ng gf, bf, or asawa.
wala ka ng time maghanap sa labas.

53. pag may problema ka sa pc mo, una mong
ginagawa ay clear ang window ng friendster mo...
hehe

54. yung iba dito na nakakahanap ng kabit nila
eh........

55. nang ho-hoard ka na din ng tissue sa bahay

56. kala mo libre ang kape sa select...

57. pag nag cr ka...sanay ka na sa gripo na
automatic at toilet bowl...

58. naka id ka pa kahit nasa jeep

59. kaya mong tiisin na nde palitan ang damit mo
ng 16 hours

60. pagtinanong ng mga ka tropa mo kung ano ang
sinusupport mo... sabihin mo friendster.com
(hahahaha)

61. Nasanay ka nang may katabing TL na hindi
umuuwi. pagpasok mo nandun na. paguwi mo nandun
parin.

62. kahit may malaki kayong speaker sa bahay
gusto mo pa din naka-earphones!

63. pudpod na tenga mo sa kaka-pakinig ng
paolo "payatot" santos

64. nung pinasok ng akyat bahay ang bahay nyo,
magsisigaw ka ng HACKER!!! HACKER!!!

65. oO NGA PLA! DATI PAGNAGCOPY PASTE KA SA PC,
GINAGAMIT MO ANG RIGHT CLICK, NGAYON, ctrl C AT
ctrl V.... iba ka na!!!!

66. nagkaroon ka ng galit sa mga amerikano at
sana iniisip mo na kasama ka sa pangalawang
dgmaang pandaigdaig at pingapapatay mo yang mga
*&^%$$#@# amerikanong yan!

67. dati 1 word per minute ka kabilis magtype,
mgayon 2 words per minute. sanay kc copy and
paste lang kya naSF.

68. sanay ka nang matulog ng dilat ang
mata...kasi d pde pahuli

69. lahat ng style ng pagtulog....maiisip mo...

70. lahat ng kaibigan mo may christmas vacation
ikaw wala

71. habang umiihi ka may nagtatanong kung anong
oras na

72. yung ex mo may kasama ng iba... HAHAHA
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! TANGINA NYA!!!

73. lahat ng holiday pumapasok ka kasi double pay
malaki ang bayad.

74. d2 ka n sa opisina nakabili lahat ng gamit
mo.. -2nd hand celfon - 2nd hand pc - sabon -
shampoo -sapatos - tocino - longganisa - hikaw -
magazine - tv - ref - aso - libro - tshirt -
pants - prepaid card - vcd - dvd -yema pati
apartment d2 ka nakuha

75. d2 ka na nasanay kumain ng pagkain na luto sa
microwave

76. gusto mo na den bumili ng water dispenser
kasi pitsel lang ang nasa bahay nyo...

77. dami mo na naiipon na stirrer(red) galing
starbucks kakabili ng kape.

78. nasanay ka nang mgpadeliver ng pagkain.

79. dito ka lang makakakita ng pinagsama samang
tinda na : medyas, vitamins, christmas lights,
cologne. yosi, siomai at lahat ng klase ng
pagkain, relos, kalendaryo, stuff toys, make up,
kikay kit, deodorant, kwintas, sasakyan, camera,
video, audio, foot spa , milk spa, bags wallet,
sinturon, mamon, hamon,

80. d2 ka na expose sa tapa king, zuppa, yellow
cab, jugnos, bermuda hotel's pancit canton,
wendy's. north park, star bucks,

81. di mo maenjoy christmas party kasi kaylangan
mo bumalik sa office dahil may pasok ka pa

82. ice tea ka lang, mga kasama mo.. beer!! syet!

83. nanghihingi ka pa ng baon sa nanay mo kahit
mas malaki sweldo mo sa kanya..

84. tapos yung fud magtatake out ka na lang. dito
mo na lang sa office kakainin.

85. lahat na ng rason para umabsent at masent
home nagawa mo na

86.DITO SA OPISINA MO NAKARANAS NA NAPAKABAGAL
NG ORAS!................

87. sa umaga ka tumotoma khit may araw na matindi pag uwi galing ofis at pag gabi e nkaupo ka sa cubicle mo at tumatanggap ng twag!!!

Currently listening to: the time ticking
Currently reading: last call's notes
Currently watching: the time
Currently feeling: jaded
Posted by cristinaburwell at 11:22 AM | 6 ang umangal

June 19th, 2006

striving to be like darth vader

~you are not always going to have a trish... a gary... an a. and a topz to make you smile and give you hugs... and HE will not always be beside you... you will not always be protected. be strong... if darth vader gained strenght from anger and hatred... turn the pain around so that you could gain strenght.~

Posted by cristinaburwell at 08:56 AM | 1 ang umangal

June 26th, 2006

BOYFRIEND HUNTING

THE BOYFRIEND HUNTERANYONE FIND ME A BOYFRIEND!!!

Must be 24-36 years old... Has a stable job. A brilliant conversationalist. At least 5'6 in height. Doesn't hurt if musically inclined.

Posted by cristinaburwell at 10:21 AM | 7 ang umangal